Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Connecticut Rodents

Where I live, we have the largest population of deer in CT. For the first time in almost four years of living here, I hit a deer....not particularly hard but killed none the less. Well, I brought my car into the shop, and there was $5K worth of damage!! Of course, I have insurance but the darn thing cost me my deductible and I wasn't sure what that was set at nevermind the hassle of being without my car while it was getting fixed. Boy, was I pissed. I was driving slow, eyes on the road and the deer just have no concept for bright lights and the sound of a 2K pound box of crushing metal heading towards them. Well, the next day, I was passing by the very spot I hit the bastard. While becoming more enraged because I was on the phone with my insurance agent who was giving me the news about my $500 deductible, I spotted the carcas in the road. All the feelings of "this accident is going to cost me" bubbled up and I was so pissed I swerved hard into the shoulder lane and ran over the deer again! I'll teach him....

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

"My Cellphone Cut Out"

I am rapidly losing my patience with people who feel the need to fill me in on the obvious that when a call is dropped that their cellphone cut out. This is not my first day with a cellphone. If I lose you or vice versa I know what happened! Just continue the conversation like it never happened and let's not waste time explaining the obvious. My favorite though is when my cellphone cuts out and the person who I was talking to asks "what happened" when I call them back. WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED??!!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

HDTV and the FCC

I love how the FCC has demanded that the networks broadcast in high definition in 2006. "GET THESE PEOPLE GOOD TV. THESE ARE GOOD PEOPLE AND THEY DESERVE THE BEST TV. GET IT DONE....NOW!"

Monday, February 14, 2005

Letourneau to Wed

Mary Kay Letourneau and her former sixth-grade pupil, with whom she has two children, have set the date for their wedding. They will be registered at Bloomingdales and playstation2.com.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

The Battery Powered Razor

I recently caught a Gillette commercial stating the latest razor will have a battery to power the razor for an even CLOSER shave. Aren't those guys at Gillette ever satisfied? Can you imagine how those meetings go?

Gillette Employee: Well, this is about the closest shave a man can get.
Gillette Executive: Can we get closer?
Employee: Sir, we're scraping the face with a razor.
Executive: Any chance we can get closer?
Employee: With all due respect, sir, we practically pulling the hair from the inside.
Executive: Can we get closer?
Employee: Sir...
Executive: CLOSER! CLOSER! CLOSER!
Employee: Right, sir. We'll work on it.
Executive: CLOSER! I NEED CLOSER!

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Brad and Jen's Blind Date

Since the break up, it's been widely reported that Brad and Jen met five years ago on a blind date. I wonder if their blind date was like ones I've had.

Brad: Jen?
Jen: Brad?
Brad: Yes. (awkward silence) So, what do you do? It's Jen, right?
Jen: Yeah. I'm an actor.
Brad: Me too! What have you done?
Jen: I'm in a show called "Friends".
Brad: I love that show. That's you? Wow.
Jen: Yeah. What have you been in?
Brad: Mostly movies.
Jen: I'll have to check them out.
Brad: Yeah.
Jen: Ok. Should we get the check?
Brad: Yeah. I'll call ya.
Jen: Ok.

Monday, February 07, 2005

My Conversation with Pete Rose

I've never met him but if I did, this is the way I would want the conversation to go:

Me: Hey, Pete Rose! How are ya?
Pete: Good, thanks!
Me: You bet. It took me a long time to get through this traffic.
Pete: I bet. Looks like it's not moving at all. Say, can you tell me how to get outta here?
Me: You bet. Take a left right there and you'll be on the highway so fast it will make your head spin.
Pete: I bet. Well, take care.
Me: You bet, Pete. You bet.

The Only Chant That Should Ever Be Allowed...

...is "U-S-A" at the Olympics and maybe the occassional "de-fense". That's it. Don't argue.